Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
