Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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