Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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