GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
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Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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