hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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