"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
