Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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