the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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