just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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