I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
