Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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