I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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