Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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