Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fuck appropriateness.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
