I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
