Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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