Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
