Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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