She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize