I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
