I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
