My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
