i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
