there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
