just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
