12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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