well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
