drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
