so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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