it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
