i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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