Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I love you. Go after that dick
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
