I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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