i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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