if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
