omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
