He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
