Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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