i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
