I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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