plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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