She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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