brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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