So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
