Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
