so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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