this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
