So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
