This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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