My friends, they love my intelligence
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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