Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
