Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
