Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
