so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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