Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
