Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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