I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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