I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
