I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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