she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
