when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
