smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
